I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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