hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize
