Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
