oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
