The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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