God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
