I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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