Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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