alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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