I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
