Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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