$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize