And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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