shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
