I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
