once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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