So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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