3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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