I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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