i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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