he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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