Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
