The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
