I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
