East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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