Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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