Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Ladies don't puke and tell
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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