So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
