The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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