i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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