Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
