they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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