Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
