dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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