You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
