she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
