When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
