i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
