as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
