"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
