One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
