I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
