this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
