my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
