I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize