I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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