I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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