2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
PANTIES FOUND
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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