But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
