five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
