she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
