i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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