Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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