I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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