Please don't use social media to get back at me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
