I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
