So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
