So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
