I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
