sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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