Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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