so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I love you.
Bad choice
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
