What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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