I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
