apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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