i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
