I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
