I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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