i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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