i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
