question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
