i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Alive.
So much puke
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
