it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
