I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
