i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
