TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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