so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize