I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
