Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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