community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
