Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
