Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
