bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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