Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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