For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
