We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
