just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
