i need an iv and a liver transplant
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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