Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
the liver wants what the liver wants
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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