I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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