it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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