who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
