A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
