Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
