when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
