I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I forget how to act sober
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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