I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
