take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
