If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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