oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
