the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
