i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize