I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
